Say what? Mom has twenty different doctors. A cardiologist, internist, psychiatrist … I mean, she’s always going to the doctor. I’m sure she mentioned her mammogram to me. She says she did, but I guess I wasn’t paying attention.
Nanny had breast cancer in her eighties (several years before she passed) and said, “cut that stuff out and put it in a bucket.” My cousin was diagnosed in her early thirties with a baby at home. My aunt was in her sixties. (All survived!)
I suppose I knew the results before they came.
We only waited one day for biopsy results – which is amazing in itself. Mom called with her results and began with a complaint about how cold her ice pack was. I could hear it in how she was joking around, trying to be positive while giving the news her daughter didn’t want to hear.
I’m a mom now, too. I could feel it.
“Well, I have breast cancer.”
She shared what the doctor had said and assured me she was fine. I was disappointed, in shock, and at an odd peace. Considering she and I are the clinical definition of hypochondriacs, it was amazing I was still standing at that moment.
Instead, I began to sing. I plunged head first into this new journey embracing the strength of my Father … singing.
I sang in spite of great disappointment over unfavorable results, in spite of fear of the unknown. I sang, because I needed to know God was more near than ever.
God is still good when the waves roll high
God is still good all through the night
When I’ve done all I can and I don’t understand
God is still good
Clouds of doubt may darken the way
But showers of blessing may come any day
When I make it through, I’ll stand and say
God is still good
My heart began to preach the promises of God to me as I remembered a sick newborn in the hospital, abnormal fluid on my baby boy’s kidneys at his growth ultrasound, months where we didn’t have two nickels to rub together, days where I have wanted to scream in frustration.
I remembered those dark moments and how God didn’t erase them right away, but He gave grace to smile through them. I cried many tears and had moments where I couldn’t keep it together – but there were also those moments of deep peace when I knew it was alright. Those sweet moments of knowing my Savior was right there in the storm.
This sweet melody sung in the midst of darkness had nothing to do with my own strength. As I said, I freak over illnesses whether they be my own or someone I love. My doctor has literally banned me from WebMD. But I was calm. I was at peace. I was singing! Only by the grace of God, I was singing!
I trust He will provide His peace here as well. He already has. The day I received some of the worst news of my life was one of the sweetest, because His Spirit was comforting me. Isn’t that amazing?
My mom has stage 1 invasive ductal carcinoma. We are still in the early stages of creating a battle plan of treatment, surgery, etc. There’s a long road ahead and I plan to be her biggest advocate, prayer warrior, caregiver, joke teller, and whatever else she needs. It is scary to walk into the unknown, but it’s comforting to have the Lord as we go.
He’s already provided by giving Mom peace and comfort. She has a great church family praying with her. Her employer has told her they are with her every step of the way, which is a huge relief! We also found out the surgeon we meet Tuesday is a Christian! God is in this every step of the way!
I asked Mom if she was comfortable with me blogging this from my perspective, completely understanding if she wanted to keep it private. She said, “share away!” Her heart’s desire is for God to be magnified even in the darkest of times. She’s even said she hopes others will come to know the Truth through it.
We covet your prayers for peace, grace, and for God to be glorified and magnified through every step. Pray for His strength to empower her in these coming months as she begins this fight. Pray for the mighty hand of the Great Physician to touch her body and guide the doctors as they begin her treatment. Pray for souls to be reached through her testimony of faith.
God has been so good and He is still good.