Mom Fail: Discipline

Child rearing and discipline is probably one of my weakest points as a parent. I was 19 when I had my first baby and was totally clueless. My biggest worries then were producing enough milk to breastfeed and making sure everyone knew my weird rules about my new baby. I didn’t really worry about how to raise her. I was just worried about her staying alive. The typical concern for a brand new mom that’s totally terrified.

As my kids grow and develop their own wills and personalities, I see the need for correcting them and disciplining. Its more than diapers and bottles … but raising people who are kind, loving, polite, respectful, and ultimately able to grow into independent and successful adults. Do you mean you already see that in a six year old? Of course I do. I realize my kids are indeed kids and they do not posess the maturity of an adult. I know that just like they have needed to be taught everything else, they have to be corrected when it comes to their behavior. The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. It is during their youngest years that we should begin teaching them.

I have failed at this repeatedly. I used to think that yelling a lot would get it done, but that just got my kids not taking me seriously and I was exhausted. Some days I overlook things and say, “well that’s not bad” … and after several occurrences of ignoring bad behavior, they are out of control. There was a time when I questioned whether or not being a stay at home mom was for me, if mothering was really my thing. I was just so miserable and didn’t seem to be able to hack it.

God reminded me that if He gave me these kids to mother, mothering is my thing. I’m just still learning how to do it. 

The first thing I have to realize is where I’ve been wrong. I completed a study on the book of Proverbs a couple months ago and it revealed to me so many of my weaknesses as a wife, mom, and servant of Christ. As the Lord would deal with me about the words I speak, the tone I use, my inconsistency in discipline, or the lack thereof, I realized I needed His help more than ever. I have to ask God to forgive me and help me with this on a frequent basis.

As life goes sometimes, the kids were doing well and I started to slack on discipline. I was going back to letting things slide and saying, “that’s not too bad.” And sure enough, it bit me in the tail. Things got out of control the other day and I was ready to rip my hair out by the time my husband got home. We can say “oh those kids are being bad” all we want, but I’m the adult. It’s my job to keep things in order and to teach them.

Instead of throwing in the towel and hiding under a rock, (I was tempted to), I asked God for grace and help. As I read my Bible this morning, He reminded me of my goals as a Mama and encouraged me to keep on. I am no parenting expert … I am the farthest thing from it. However, by God’s grace and help, I can be the best mother He intends me to be. He can take the difficulty I experience as I learn and help me to make this home a happy, glorious, and healthy one.

Here are some of my goals as a Mom that I intend to really improve upon. Perhaps one day I’ll go into more detail about each one, but for now, here’s just the highlights:

• Speak softly.
• Speak kind words.
• Don’t yell.
• Be consistent.
• Be merciful.
• Don’t be lazy.
• Read your Bible.
• Be honest about failures.
• Pray!!!!

 

Every mom has days where they feel like they are completely dropping the ball. I pray that instead of wallowing in defeat, we can hit our knees in prayer and allow the Lord to help and strengthen us in areas of weakness. Just like our kids are learning to be kids, we are learning to be good Mamas. And from what I hear, it’s a life long process. ❤️

Advertisement

Fear and Grace

The past few days have been a bit rough. My mind is shot from all of the anxiety I’ve felt and the places I’ve allowed it to go. Between worry and having a fever, I have struggled to keep my thoughts in check.

My oldest, Constance, has been feeling under the weather since probably Friday. I was getting so frustrated that everything seemed to agitate her and freak her out. On Sunday, I was in full on panic mode. I was counting bruises on her legs, making note of every symptom she was experiencing, and making myself literally sick as I remembered all I knew about cancer.

Don’t laugh at me. If you’re a personal friend of mine, you know she tested positive for the flu and as of today is up playing and feeling good. In fact, I believe her brother and I both have the flu because we are experiencing the same symptoms and fever. But instead of just waiting and seeing, I FLIPPED OUT. Her doctor probably could sense my stress as I was naming off all of this stuff. Let’s test her for the flu and strep, okay?

I am a hypochondriac by default and sadly, I project a lot of this onto my kids. Before I began treatment for anxiety, it was even worse. My kids are my world and I’d jump off of a cliff if something happened to them. Wouldn’t we all? But the trouble is, I go there in my mind when that’s not even happening in real life.

My baby woke me up this morning and as soon as my eyes opened, I told the Lord I wasn’t going to make it without Him. I felt terrible, I was still anxious, and I was worn out. I didn’t know if I could handle another day like yesterday. Somehow, He gave me the grace to pick up my feet and get moving. He gave me peace about the fears that plague me, even saying that if even my worst fears came true – I wouldn’t go it alone. I drank a good cup of coffee (couldn’t stomach more than that), took Tylenol, and got busy.

Anxious thoughts stink and sometimes they can ruin an entire day. I’m sure glad that His mercies are new every morning. I pray that if you’re having crazy thoughts like I do sometimes, that you’d ask the Lord to help you through it. Think about how it is fairly unlikely for these fears to come to pass and if they did, He would be there. For the saved, born again believer, we have access to peace and safety with the Lord. The Bible says that God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind. Hang in there.

I’ll Meet You at the River

This was written a year ago when my husband’s precious aunt passed away. I miss her terribly. ❤️

One of my husband’s precious aunts went to be with the Lord this past weekend. It was a bit of a shock, though her health hadn’t been the greatest. As we sat at the funeral home lastnight for her viewing, it felt like surely she was sitting somewhere, making some kind of witty remark or playing with the kids. It doesn’t feel real, nor does it feel right.

Though we are all sad, we’ve truly got peace knowing she’s with the Savior in Heaven. Our loss is truly her gain.

I didn’t realize how she had touched my life personally til I walked around the house cleaning yesterday. I found little toys or stuffed animals that she had given my kids. In my cabinet sits a little coffee cup that she’d given them for their hot chocolate. As I fixed my hair, I realized the earrings I had in were a gift from her on my 20th birthday. I thought about how much she loved my kids, especially little Nathaniel. He was her little guy.

We used to pull up alongside her every Sunday morning and she would always have some small trinket for the kids. She couldn’t afford much, but that certainly didn’t matter. She just loved those kids.

She had a tough exterior, but her softness was definitely brought out by her love for her family.

When I married Joshua, I rolled my eyes at the thought of his family becoming mine. As time went on, they adopted me in and I’ve never felt unloved or alone when I’m around them. As my husband and I have grown into one unit as husband and wife, I’ve gained an intense love for him and all things about him. When we are with the family and I hear about the heritage he has, I fall in love with him a little more. These precious people took this troubled girl in and loved her … and that’s the same love I see my husband have for any person he meets.

Aunt Pat was quick to display that love to me.

The family wasn’t happy when we got married. We were young and it was a quickie, spur of the moment ceremony. I threw all of my plans out of the window, including a florist. Aunt Pat couldn’t bear the thought of me not having a bouquet. Just minutes before it was time, she ran home to get a bouquet she carried in her second wedding to her husband a few years before. She thought we were nuts, but that didn’t stop her from being kind. Essentially, this is who she was. She’d tell you how it was and she could irritate the fire out of you with her snark. But she loved with a fierce love and would do anything in her power to see to it that her family knewz

I’m gonna miss her for a while, but we’ll meet again in Heaven. 💛