Christian living · pregnancy

Life Updates

I love to write, but lately I’ve been holding back a ton. I suppose writing for me is letting my hair down, cutting loose, whatever. And with everything that’s been going on this last year, I suppose I’ve been a bit pent up. Does that make any sense?

Mom received her cancer diagnosis in November and from that moment, life got crazy. She is now cancer free, back to work, and doing amazing! But I will say – it shook up our world a bit. I found out I was pregnant in January, which has been a unique experience to say the least. I think I was seven weeks pregnant for a month straight … that first trimester seemed like it would never end.

And school? Well, by the grace of God we have hung in there. Between many dentist appointments, OB visits, mom’s surgeries and days where morning sickness had me curled on the couch … we managed to only get slightly behind. We should complete our school year by the end of the month, just in time for vacation!

So, it’s been a crazy year. And I suppose I have allowed fear and worry to keep me from stopping to smell the roses too many times. I have a book which SERIOUSLY needs revising and editing, but for whatever reason, I’ve thought that if I just let go of my worries and get sucked into that … one more crazy or bad thing might happen. I have had several blog post ideas, specifically talking about pregnancy and pregnancy after loss. But in the shadows of my mind, I think I’m just jinxing myself and something tragic will happen by my acknowledging that this pregnancy is really happening. Like I need to spend my free time with a firm grasp on my fear rather than living life and doing what I love.

The Lord has really been growing my faith through all of this, proving to me that I’m never alone, that He can handle it. And at that scary stinkin’ anatomy scan for the baby last week, He reminded me of His power and control. He held out His hand and simply asked me to hold it.

Oh, it’s not always that easy. I have to do my part through prayer and Bible reading, through casting down my crazzzyyy imaginations. But for the first time in a while, I was able to breathe, look at my fears and say, “so what?”

Sometimes I think we go through these patches of life simply for God to reveal His glory. Pregnancy in itself is a trying of a woman’s faith! I sang a song at revival last week that has the line, “I have peace when it doesn’t make sense.” And indeed, in a world full of trouble and a crazy, unpredictable life, I have peace. It doesn’t make sense. But it’s not supposed to. I am simply supposed to trust my Lord.

That’s what I have to do. No amount of holding tight to what ifs will change the future and it certainly drains me of today’s strength. I simply have to surrender every bit of fear and my future to Him.

That’s been life lately. I’m a bit neurotic and sometimes get a little too stuck in my head, but God is good.

And thank you Jesus! I’m back to drinking coffee after two long months of feeling like the smell would make me vomit.

God’s been good.

Advertisements
Humor · pregnancy

My Dentist Knew I Was Pregnant Before Anyone Else

I was mortified to discover I had a broken tooth and a terrible cavity in one of my back molars. Of course, in my mind, I was thinking I have some kind of an infection and would have to have an extraction. The infection was going to go into my blood and kill me.

I’m not over dramatic or much of a worry wart at all. *eye roll*

So, I went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years. It was embarrassing to admit, but he did say my teeth were surprisingly in great shape. (I was prepared to be told I had severe gum disease or something.) Well, other than the one that needed work. He said I needed a root canal.

I told them I might be pregnant. It was embarrassing to admit that it was too early to test, I was just watching my cycles so closely I knew I could be. You know. The time between conception and implantation.

Try explaining that to a man. He’s a dentist, not an OB. Awkward.

All of the girls in the office were giggling and saying, “hope you get good news this week!”

I figured I probably wasn’t pregnant. I wanted to be. In fact, I think that was one of my last posts on here. (Sorry for being so MIA, by the way.) But I knew the disappointment all too well. I scheduled my root canal for the following week and planned to take a test for peace of mind.

Of course, I was barely 3 weeks pregnant – not even far enough to show on a test. But peeing on a stick is an irresistible thing. It’s an addiction when you’re trying to conceive. Of course, I went and bought a cheap early response test and took it.

Negative. WELL MAYBE. Nah. It’s negative. We’ll see.

It was a two pack, so of course I took the other test the next morning.

I saw that same BARELY there squinter line. My mom glanced at the test under the light and shook her head as if she felt sorry for me.

“I don’t see it.”

Maybe the tests were defective? I told myself I’d wait til two days before my appointment to take another test.

And my resolve lasted all of about 2 hours before I went to the Dollar General and bought the $1 cheapies. (Those are just as sensitive and accurate as the name brand. Just so you know. Don’t waste $15 on EPT.)

I waited til the next morning to take it and there was a line. Faint. My mom still didn’t see it. My husband kind of saw it.

I crawled into my bed and told the Lord that if this was really a pregnancy and I wasn’t going crazy, I was thankful for each moment. I held my tummy as I imagined the little person only the size of a pen tip. I wouldn’t let myself imagine a baby I’d give birth to. I didn’t even look up a possible due date. I just imagined my little seed, praying for him or her to get snug in there.

Each day, the lines got darker. So, I called my dentist’s office and informed them of my good news. I’ll be honest – I wasn’t sure if it was good news yet. I was experiencing intense cramping and terrified of bleeding like I did with the pregnancy I lost. I’ll confess I checked each time I went to the restroom.

The peestick addiction was intense this time around. I believe altogether I took 10 tests before I was confident.

My dentist called back and said, “Well, congratulations! Looks like you called it, huh?”

We decided to hold off on the root canal until I was in my second trimester. (Well, last Wednesday.) The fella was so sweet and called me personally to explain why he didn’t feel comfortable doing the procedure so early on. I recommend this dentist to anyone local! Just saying!

So, the root canal was placed on hold and I began my newest journey of trusting in spite of the unknown.

More to come …


Christian living

Worship Songs You NEED On Your Playlist

In this house, we love music! I turn it on before I begin cleaning and it helps get my mind in a right place as I go through my day. I love a good mix of old hymns, Gospel, and contemporary songs as well. As long as it glorifies the Savior and has a message of truth, I’m for it!

The scriptural definition of appropriate music for the Christian is “psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” as defined in Ephesians 5:19! I believe God gave us the gift of music to turn our hearts toward Him in praise and keep our eyes heavenward in a dark world. While I still have random moments where I jam to an old 80s tune, listening to music that honors the Lord is certainly best for me to keep my heart and mind in check!

Here are some songs I’ve recently had on repeat that you NEED on your playlist! I’ve included the YouTube link so you can check them out for yourself!

He’s Always Been Faithful by Anna Sailors

I’ve Been Through Enough by CT and Becky Townsend

It Is Well by Kristin DiMarco/Bethel Music

So Will I (100 Billion X) by Tori Kelly

Different by Micah Tyler

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong

Bring it All to Him by The Fletcher Family

He Sees What We Don’t by The Carr Family

Remember by Lauren Daigle

What worship songs do you have on repeat right now? What kind of music do you prefer? Be sure to leave your recommendations!